What I find most amusing during gender conversations is how patriarchal mindsets believe that gender roles are specific and sacrosanct in all heterosexual relationships. They argue that because a woman is responsible for childbirth, she would most certainly be responsible for nurturing. So let’s flip the script a bit. What part of the sexual fertility of a man guarantees that it would make him a most suitable provider? Since that’s the default gender role that patriarch’s foist on themselves. (Keep in mind that there’s a double standard here by the way, but let’s not digress — yet).
Reproduction is a function of evolution & has nothing to do with social orders — which, when stripped to the bare bones is all gender appropriation really is. Much like how a man is incapable of conception, a woman is incapable of initiating the process by herself. EVERYTHING else after reproduction is completely interchangeable.
Patriarchal misogynists will disagree but will always struggle to explain why the elite sections of the culinary world is a male dominated field or why male nurses get paid more than their female counterparts for doing the exact same thing. This is not taking into account the fact that the nursing profession is a female dominated field — disparity in pay despite female dominance.
I get tired of reading Twitter Nigeria’s favorite misogynists talking about how “nurturing comes naturally to women.” I will literally run out screen ink if I begin to sight personal examples of women who wouldn’t be classified as homely but are still fantastic parents. And just as well, I know full buffed out male specimens who are the primary caregivers in their homes. I repeat, reproduction is an evolutionary trait, hence childbirth should never be used as an excuse for gender bias against women. The rest is just social norms and orders and hence is entirely interchangeable.
Do Not Fall For It Ladies!
QUICK PLUG: From my experience as a young man & in my countless interaction with my specie, I’ve come to a conclusion that there is a direct correlation between how a man thinks about this issue and how he treats women, especially in the marital home. So when a man says something like “Women should be the primary caregivers” or more prosaically “it’s your job to cook”, this is an absolute red flag that he might be looking for a workhorse in a wife, because at some point in the future the double standard of being a part or full-time financial support would still creep in. If this lifestyle suits your ideal relationship then be my guest. If not, then I frankly advice that you keep it moving. Heterosexual relationships require and should involve equal amounts of effort and devotion at the very least. Any skew on either side of the divide reinforces gender roles that are self serving at best and detrimental at worst.
Now, I’ve heard the “gender equality is a utopian fallacy!” argument before, my response is simple. Wouldn’t it be better if we strive towards this utopian society that serves us better in the long run, fail and adjust as we go than to continue to maintain this status-quo that denigrates women thereby creating a toxic divide between young men and women? You choose.
**The above piece was initially conceived as a Twitter thread, accounting for its slightly abridged prose but I changed my mind at the last minute.
